Many will say that the pain on the surface is like an iceberg – with 90% of it below the surface and not visible to others….or maybe even to ourselves. What are some of the layers below the surface that we try to ignore. Well, first there is the unconscious mind. Bad memories are often shoved so far down that we are not even aware until some event triggers a picture in our minds of that past hurt. It may start out foggy, not in focus. A professional therapist can help bring those to the surface so they can be discarded as no longer important in our current life. Below the subconscious may lie fear, anger or guilt. So these are more immediate reactions. Sometimes, trying to find blame ends up pointing at ourselves – usually incorrectly. Deeper lie such effects as anxiety or resentment or even shame. The biggest part of that iceberg is at the bottom, but is what we can’t seem to get over – the loss or hurt and sadness we feel. We need to start at the top and keep chipping away at the layers. As the bottom of the iceberg floats closer to the top it’s easier to keep chipping away until it melts entirely.